I love my friend Sally. When I told her I would be
featuring her along side this recipe in December she said in typical Sally
fashion "A perfect post in 'tis the season to overeat and indulge and then
sit in shame during what I call "Boring January". I'm glad to give
you this post in December, although I do realize it is New Years Eve and lifestyle changes will likely begin tomorrow. Even though this salad is healthy it's also very
festive and just a little bit decadent with the truffle oil, so a natural choice for this time of year it is.
Roasted beet salad with truffle oil came to be when
Sally sent me an SOS food text in the produce isle (there is reason she doesn’t
write a food blog, ha!). She was staring at some beets in the store she wanted
to buy, but didn't know what to do with them. She also specifically asked
for a way to cook them so that they did not taste like dirt. I offered this
recipe, which she loved and the rest is history. Then, she gave me the Myers
Briggs (a personality test) and we talked about my results for three days. Did
I mention Sally was a psychologist? She is, so that Myers Briggs thing isn't as
weird as you initially thought. I also asked her a bunch of questions that us
bloggers are always wanting to know, and then a few more about body image since
we talk food here and her line of work. Sally obliged, so you are welcome in
advance for her expert and free feedback. (Sally also asked me some
questions...see my answers here!)
This is Dr. Sal.
1) People who write blogs in general have an
interest in "getting more followers" or receiving lots of
comments/feedback about the content they post. We host giveaways and ask people
to tweet about us so that more people read our stuff. They want more, more,
more. On a psychological level, why do you think this is so important to most
people? What do you think they are really after, since obviously, the quest for
more is never quite quenched?
Sally: A great question! Technology has changed our
lives in so many ways, but your question helps me see that it also is just
another avenue for us to do the same thing over and over again - the quest for
more never quite quenched. But, to answer your question, I fall back on a
phrase I coined recently - VMV. Value, Meaning and Validation.
Each and every one of us wants to feel valuable,
meaningful others and in this world...and we look for ways to validate
ourselves in these areas. We try to fill this space in us that is never quite
full, like there is a hole at the bottom where last week's gains seep out. I
think this definitely challenges our never being content in the moment,
remaining much less aware and thankful.
I was given a great description once when dealing
with my perfectionism (I am a Recovering Perfectionist)...many times it is
harder to go with my gut, trust myself and the process of doing my best without
comparing myself to another person. We can always turn to the right and someone
is doing better than we are - better marriage, better body, better readership
numbers on blogs, better attitude. And we can always turn to the left and see
someone doing no as well as we are...meaning we are the person on their right.
It is perpetual - there are always ways we can
grow, change, get more, but we can distract
ourselves by looking at others instead of ditching the nasty practice of
comparison.
I try to answer, "Then what...". If I get
1000 followers, then what? There is always more to get, have, obtain. But there
is loss in the process too. When I am focusing on other people, I am less aware
of what I do have, what I really want, how I really feel...and I lose when I
trying to get more (e.g. I lose out on a great conversation with my husband
because I need to make one more post this week, or I lose a chance to rest, I
was too busy to talk to a friend, I snapped at my child for interrupting me as
I write and try to be present at the same time, etc.).
The short answer is that I think it is part of our
human nature. And that making peace with "enough" is hard but
rewarding.
2) Food and weight. What is a healthy way to think
about it? And how important is the quest for "being healthy"? Does
being healthy on the inside affect our mental health?
Sally: I love being able to enjoy what is
available, but know that enjoyment can turn into need and habit. (e.g. I need a
sweet after lunch instead of just having one when I really want one...much less
a good one. Nothing (for me) goes down as well as a great pizza and a glass of
good red wine. But I choose not to have that every single night.
I think we have relationships with food - and most
fall in the category of "eat to live" or "live to eat". One
way that psychology and food meet are when I “eat my feelings”. Whether it is
feeling irritable, sad, blue or insecure, food can cover up some of those
things we feel that we don’t want to feel. There is a reality to the term
“comfort foods” - our brains respond in ways that might change how we are
feeling, but we all know there is a down side to consuming a bag of Doritos
while nursing feelings of failure or hopelessness. The original feeling
remains, and then is topped with feelings of shame.
I also think food plays a part in how we think
about ourselves. Let's say I have Thankles (thick ankles), wider hips, a
stubborn muffin top, small breasts, etc. something that is a part of my genetic
makeup that I cannot change. When I try to change this characteristic, I am working
against something that won't change.
I definitely think there are ways to treat a body
with kindness and respect - accepting it for what it is. That is so kind to do
to your body. But just because I have a genetic makeup that gives me a big
butt, doesn't mean that I need to accept it with resignation - I can work on
it, include it as a "trouble spot" in my work outs, but enjoy my
roundness because that is me.
My answer is that being healthy is a delicate
balance. If I remove all things that bring me joy where food is concerned, say
NO chocolate, NO desserts, NO bread, etc. Then I might have a flatter stomach
but I have turned off a part of me that is open to enjoying something I like,
an my strictness might show up in different ways, like obsession with weight
and/or calories, jealousy, uptightness or irritability. Often, strict adherence
can breed shame and perfectionism. Balance and control are challenging, and for
some (e.g. addicts) removing a food or substance is necessary for a balanced
and controlled life.
Being healthy on the inside effects our mental
health. In a concrete way, our brains and body function on what we eat.
Something can be good going down, but the rest of the day is shot - my mood, my
energy level, my diet. That is why health is a lifestyle, that can include
treats on a regular, small basis...rather than it being a lifestyle of
indulgence and always saying "yes" to food.
3) Is it true that in your line of work the goal is
to subtly get the person to answer his or her own questions to what they are
asking?
Sally: Yes and no. I think some therapists are like
that - and I don't like the subtle style. It feels a tad sneaky and doesn't
help people trust their therapist...as if the therapist "knows"
something or knows what is best. My belief is that my clients hold the keys to
their own success and that I am only a guide along the way. To me, when I don’t
let a client answer their own hard questions, I undercut their growth.
People get stronger when they solve problems for
themselves, which is usually a trial and error process...which means they will
make mistakes. When we own our words, our actions, our true thoughts and
feelings, we grow in responsibility, self-respect, confidence and
ability...usually in areas where this growth was really needed. But change is
hard - and we often pull from other people so we don't have to go through the
more uncomfortable parts of what it means to be responsible for what we decide
and how we act.
So, just like the example you gave of my calling
you about beets...you could have made me the recipe. But I got more out of 1)
calling you, 2) admitting my need for help, 3) pursuing something I wanted to
do, 4) accepting ideas and guidance from you 4) doing the work myself and 5)
feeling accomplished in the results.
Sally: I do a few things on my website. The name of
my business is Legacy because I believe that we all leave a legacy, whether we
want to or not. We are important. We impact the lives of people around us.
In my work I am often given the honor and
responsibility of people sharing themselves with me in the process of learning
their own value, beauty and strength. This is an absolute delight in my work.
It is also why, when I am asked about what I do...I don’t really like being
asked how I can sit and listen to people’s problems all day (one example of how
therapy is misunderstood). So, even if someone chooses not to work with me as a
psychologist in therapy or consultation, I provide information for them that
they might be able to use in finding a therapist or understanding why
psychology is an important part of being human, of leaving a vibrant legacy.
One of the things I like focus on is making
psychology accessible in a personal way. “Psychology” and “therapy” are words
that often scare people because there is a stigma attached to them. Many people
think there is something wrong with them if they need to call someone for help,
or they think they are crazy, or they think if they start therapy there will
never get out. I like my website to show the many ways psychology is
normal and how it shows up in our every day lives.
I do a lot of work with clients online and over the
phone - which is newer to the field of psychology. This allows for therapy to
move beyond the more traditional office setting. I also work as a consultant to
small business and teams in my “The ME in TEAM” program. This consulting highlights
how each individual on a team (e.g. husband/wife, parent/child, friends, family
members, coworkers, etc) is critical to making the team function well. One
thing I cannot get enough of is helping people see how great they are. It is
astounding to me how many people are not able to put words to their personal
strengths, abilities, style, preferences. Without this information, we are
prone to look to the right or left (see above) to help the outside world define
who we are.
I love to write...and I love to read. I write on my
website and also co-author a
blog on female friendship (with a good friend!).
Some of my favorite topics to write on are emotions, “shoulding”, personality
and personal effectiveness.
5) What are the qualities of a good psychologist or
therapist?
Sally: In no special order:
* Honesty. This can be hard because a lot of
uncomfortable situations happen in therapy. It is hard to say something that
someone doesn’t want to hear, it is hard to go to painful places in people’s
lives. But really, this is like sneaking food on a diet. If I go to therapy to
hear what feels good or go without being honest about who I really am, I am
only cheating myself out of growth. But I am also accepting what that stunted
growth means - it might mean I remain depressed, I remain insecure, I suffer
with anxiety, I continue to eat my feelings, I battle thoughts that I am
worthless, etc. A therapist being honest with me does not mean I have to agree
with what a therapist says, it means I get to interact in a safe environment
with someone who respects me enough to tell me the truth about how they see me
and experience me.
* Not doing the work for the client.
* Being willing to feel awkward or frustrated and
not fix someone’s problems. This is a feeling most people are familiar with, it
is often the basis for unsolicited advice.
* Being okay with silence.
* Being willing to ask hard questions.
* Good personal boundaries.
* Being willing to say I don't know.
* Being willing to say when therapy isn't working or that another
therapist would be better with
Want to read more of what Dr. Sal has to say? Visit her over on her blog, Legacy Assessment, Counseling and Consulting.
Sally, thanks for answering such deep questions with such thoughtfulness and a little bit of spunk. Spunk is my favorite part about Dr. Sal.
You can't really tell, but there are bigger chunks of goat cheese at the bottom of the bowl, and when tossed it slightly melts into the still warm beets coating them a bit which makes for excellent eating but not so great pictures.
This salad is not an exact science. I'll give you the recipe just like I gave it to Sally.
Roasted Beet Salad with Truffle Oil
Baby Arugula
Roasted Beets (1-2 beets per person depending on how big they are. I like lots of beets)
Truffle oil
Sea salt
Freshly ground pepper
Red wine vinegar
Goat cheese
Roast and skin beets according to the directions provided by the link. Place still warm beets cut into hefty chunks in the bottom of a large salad bowl. Crumble goat cheese on top and left it melt a bit into the beets by tossing it. Scatter arugula over the top of the beets and drizzle with truffle oil, red wine vinegar, salt and pepper. Toss and taste. Add more oil, vinegar or salt and pepper to taste.
I like more beets to arugula in this recipe. I shoot for a ratio of 2/3 beets to 1/3 arugula.
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